Memory Lane, and Recollections
September 18th, 2006 by sashafaith
I’m still new to WordPress blogging. Although it was fine for me to name my blog Memory Lane when I hosted on my own webspace, that is not the case with my blog when it is hosted by WordPress, and the only way I could find to manage both of my blogs under one Dashboard was to host them both at WordPress. So now it’s Recollections, which is fine with me, being that a lot of what I deal with is collections – it seemed fitting.
I have something to share kind of in regard to family history, but not really. One of my relatives (whom I’ll call Pat) called and asked me to look for some family members that may live in St. Thomas. Pat is basically estranged from his/her father, but has had contact with other members of the father’s family. I discovered that St. Thomas does not appear to have a working online white pages. I made a few phone calls, did a little hunting, and quickly found another relative’s phone number in the US. Not long after that, I had my first bad experience with contacting a “lost” family member. I did not say anything insensitive, but it was clear that the woman who answered the phone knew quite well about the relative I mentioned in my message without my saying anything specific. Frankly, this was all old news, and I wasn’t surprising anyone with an unknown new relative. However, she was venomous. I was apologetic. I told her it was never my intent to disrupt their family or hurt her in any way. She said, “I’m not hurt, I’m very pissed off!” I tried to absorb her anger – let it go right through me – in a way I think I deserved whether I hurt her or angered her, and I wanted to let her take it out on me if she needed to. I heard her out, she heard me out and then she hung up on me. I called “Pat’s” mother and told her the deal, called “Pat”, and while hanging up the phone rang again and it was “Pat’s” estranged father. He had just gotten a very angry phone call from the daughter of his ex-wife… But he was kind, and calm, and very understanding about the whole thing. In the end, there are no relatives that we know of to be found. I can’t go into any more specifics, because I have to keep private things private. (And haven’t I already done enough damage for one day?!) I have often said that my work as a search angel has felt “protected” in a way – at least I think that because all of my searching has led to happy reunions except for one birth mother who I can’t find (though I still look every once in a while). It makes me think that we (myself and the person on whose behalf I search) are being spared something that might hurt too much. Maybe that’s crap I simply find more appealing than knowing that some people will just never be found. I’d hate to think that that missing birth parent is wondering but never tried (as I have been told by nearly every found birth parent). I can’t resist trying for a happy ending.